Thursday, January 31, 2013

Three Weeks Postpartum

The more I think about it, I can't really call the feelings of labor/deliver "pain". Pain is something you experience as a result of something bad happening. The feeling of bringing a child into this world is not "Painful"...But it IS intense! It is challenging, and even difficult at times. But it is the result of something so beautiful, something that comes directly from God, and therefore I just can't justify calling it "Pain".

This week, Jonah is 3 weeks old. Phoenix has adjusted so well to being a big sister...I am unbelievably proud of her. My husband has also blown me away with all of the ways that he has stepped up, being such an amazing father and husband throughout this transition and completely sacrificing himself for the three of us. I am so blessed and thankful.

I am having a hard time deciding whether or not to share this blog journey with my friends and family. While I do believe that God has given me an awesome testimony and He certainly doesn't mean for me to keep it to myself (Matt 5:15 "Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.") ... it's still so nervewracking for me to put myself "out there" like that. I'm not convinced I'm ready to hear other people's opinions of my experience - And I know that there are some particularly unsupportive people who would certainly have their opinions.

I also am not sure that I've expressed as clearly as I want to the importance of my childbirth experience in my life journey - The healing that I experienced regarding all other areas of my life - The connection between this pregnancy/birth experience & my healing from childhood abuse. I'm still trying to find a way to put it into words, and until I do - I just don't think people would understand. But maybe the ones who wouldn't understand never will. I don't know...but it's definitely something I need to pray over.

"Father, please give me guidance, strength, and courage in sharing my testimony. Give me discernment in who I am meant to share my story with. And may I always glorify You when I share it. To You be the glory and honor forever. Amen."

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