Monday, August 27, 2012

Survivors Giving Birth

There is also a book I'd like to read about this.

I'm so excited to be finding these resources!!! I know that God has such a wonderful plan in my healing process!

Last night I came to the realization that I always referred to myself as a 'victim' of child sexual abuse. When I realized that these women on support groups/blogs were using the word "survivor" it made me uncomfortable. I said to my husband "It makes it sound like a terminal illness"...and he looked at me softly and responded, "It kind of is."

He's right. It is. I'll never outgrow this, the story will never go away - But it doesn't have to kill me. There is healing to be found. So many women/children don't survive. I am so thankful for my life. For the gift of healing. For my testimony that will someday help others who are struggling to survive.

I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor.

<3 "But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety".

Saturday, August 25, 2012

20 weeks

Well, I'm halfway there! From here on, I'll be counting down backwards (19 wks to go, 18 wks to go, etc)! Baby is moving CONSTANTLY and I'm LOVING it! We went for an ultrasound last week and had to reschedule it because the baby wouldn't sit still long enough to get any shots or measurements, haha! I hope he/she settles down a wee bit before venturing out into the world :-p

Life has been SO fantastic since last Sunday's revelation! God is so wonderful and I'm beyond thankful for my relationship with Him. It has brought such a sense of comfort and security in our family...Hallelu Yah! :-)
There are times of struggle and DEFINITELY some times of attack from the enemy, but in Jesus' name I've been able to find the strength to stand against it. I only pray that I continue to grow in Him and fight satan in his evil schemes.

In pregnancy-related news:
I am feeling pretty good, tired all of the time still but nothing I can't handle.
Baby can be seen and felt moving at least once a day, which is so cute and reassuring.
No strange cravings or food adversions anymore.
Baby is the length of a banana and weighs about 10.5 ounces.

I am thinking it's a boy, but we'll see in a few short months :-)
My 2 year old LOVES to 'kiss the baby', and I'm getting very anxious to see how she reacts to big-sisterhood! I think she will do great!

I continue to do stretches and exercises to prepare my body for my VBAC, and have been looking into childbirth classes. I'm very excited to see how this journey ends - I know God has great things in store for me and my family!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

It Is Finished!

It happened..In God's time, not mine! I received "faith to walk on ocean's deep"...A revelation that It has already been Finished for me! There is nothing left for me to do in order to receive healing, or faith, or happiness...because Jesus already did it all on the cross! All I had to do was accept it!

We make things so much more difficult than they need to be, don't we? Us humans just think we are so complicated...when in reality, we are quite simple - in comparison to the great vastness of GOD, we are tiny! And He has made available to us all forgiveness and grace! Hallelujah!! <3

I am so grateful for God' presence in my life...and even more thankful for the price He paid for me on Calvary! I know that hardships will come, that satan will fight my faith, test it and try it, and that I will have hard times in this life. But I will always have God - who is the same today, yesterday, and forever - to return to. He is so good and faithful! And if I approach childbirth with this type of faith - this type of trust - then I know He will not fail me. No matter the outcome of my VBAC experience, I know that ALL things come together for the GOOD of those who Love Him!

Friday, August 17, 2012

19 Weeks!

As I am quickly approaching the halfway mark of this pregnancy, I've been focusing more and more on preparing myself - mind, spirit, and body - for this VBAC.
I've ultimately decided that the most important part of childbirth is trusting God. Through scripture, prayer, and fellowship with other Christian moms, I know I can eventually find a place of peace, comfort, and tranquility in childbirth that will make a VBAC possible.
I also know that there is a responsibility on my part, to take care of myself and my body, and prepare my mind. Today while meditating on this knowledge, I came to an awesome revelation about my childbirth experience! Praise God!

With a past of sexual abuse, which led to a careless sex life later on, I have a very unhealthy relationship with sex and my body. Until today, it never even occured to me that childbirth itself is a very sexual experience!

In order to prepare myself for January - I need to first focus on my sexual relationship with myself, God, and my husband. Once I can find a place of understanding regarding what God created us to do and be in marriage/childbearing, then I will be able to finally let him have complete control over my birth experience!

I will be spending lots of time looking up scripture on this, and I will try to remember to update this blog with what I find. I know that in the future, I will look back on this as an important part of my testimony and my walk with God.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

17 weeks

The past couple of weeks have been joyfully eventful in the C household. We had my sister and her two boys in town for a bit, and filled their time here with all kinds of fun stuff: whale watching, sightseeing, Canobie Lake Park, Dave & Busters...It was definitely a fun-filled week!
I also have begun to feel regular movements in my rapidly growing belly, which is a welcomed reassurance every evening as I lay down for bed that all is well inside there. :-) My husband was even able to feel the baby move for the first time this week!!! We've got a very active little bean growin in there.

A friend of mine gave birth to her first, a girl, this week as well. She had a beautiful, quick, unmedicated hospital birth experience at the same hospital i had a my Csection at, which is also the hospital Im planning my VBAC at. I am SO proud of her and happy for her, and also encouraged by her birth story that the ideal birth IS possible, even in the hospital (a hospital with a nearly 50% Csection rate, nonetheless!)! To admit that I'm a tad bit jealous would be a severe understatement, BUT I know that those are only emotions of the enemy, and I won't allow them to control me!

This entire past two weeks have been enjoyable, exciting, and just a plain out blessing for so many people in my life. It's been a nice reminder that God is gracious, and that He is in control - That His plan for our lives is perfect and loving. I am so grateful to be His Child!

1Timothy2:15 <3 Only a little more than 4 months left to go! :)