It's so funny how the last few weeks of pregnancy seem to go by soooo slllooowwwlllyyy, while the first few weeks of baby's life just FLY by!
We are so blessed with Jonah. He is an awesome baby. Grunty, but awesome :-) He sleeps pretty well, nurses like a champ, takes a bottle and a paci without a fuss, and enjoys tummy time!! I'd call that a winner!
Over time, I've come to a complete peace with my birth and my body. Every decision was made with support, knowledge, and prayer. Jonah and I experienced exactly the sort of birth that God had for us, and I am eternally thankful for it.
The act of giving birth is something so deep, so personal, that it can be difficult to explain to people. So I've sort of stopped trying. All I can say is...Here's my story. Here's what it means to me. I hope it helps you in your own journey.
My VBAC was an answered prayer, a fulfilled promise. It was a place where my spirit and my body met and worked together. It was a place where my weakness and my strength came together and collided to create this crazy, beautiful, and intense emotion that cannot be explained. It was a place where I laid myself down and surrendered everything to God, where I completely and wholeheartedly accepted that His will for me was the Only way. And it was also a place where I took every bad thought of myself and my body and threw it out the window. My body was created so beautifully (I am fearfully and wonderfully made!), perfectly orchestrated to create life, grow it within me, and birth it - Nothing else mattered! And now, after having that experience, nothing else ever will. I trust in my body, and in my God. He is the perfect designer, and He makes no mistakes. And I Will no longer give satan the satisfaction of taking that away from me through the memories of the evil that was done to me (and by me) in my past. I am forgiven, therefore I can forgive...Which is such a beautiful relief.
It is truly my prayer that by sharing my journey, it will encourage someone, somewhere, that they Can give birth. That they Can overcome their pasts, overcome their fear, overcome their doubt. Through God, all things are possible.
When I was at the beginning of this journey, I found strength in other women's stories. Now, I add mine. I pass the torch on to the next birthing woman, and move forward. I am so thankful to be a part of this sisterhood of birth. And I hope that I do well in glorifying God with it. To Him be the glory forever and ever.